literature

Blonde Phone Call

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Literature Text

Blonde Phone Call


One day, a brunette, a red-head, and a blonde were sitting around the house watching TV while their boyfriends went to the convenience store to pick up some milk, pizza and condoms. A few hours later, they ask each other what the heck is taking them so long. That’s when the phone rings and the brunette picks it up.
“Hello?” she asks. But on the other side of the phone she hears a loud muffled sound.
“Hmmmffmm…ffmv…! Veemmff mmmeffeum!”
“Hello!” the brunette says again. “Who’s there?”
The same muffled mumbling continues. “Who is it?” the red-head asks her.
“I don’t know,” says the brunette, “It sounds like Kenny from South Park. I can’t understand a word this person is saying!”
“Let me try,” said the red-head. “Hello? Kenny is that you I hear?”
But this time the loud mumbled muffling was deeper. “Heemmffp…! Ffemmffmm…mmmmh…fummmffhhehm!”
“You’re right!” the red-head exclaimed. “I don’t understand a word this raging person is saying either. It sounds like one of those annoying foreign telemarketers who can’t speak English!”
“Really?” said the blonde.
“Yeah, it’s like some kind of foreign language.”
“Ooh! I’ve taken over 5 language courses already…maybe I can reason with the person.”
The red-head hands the blonde the phone and tells her, “Be my guest.”
She puts the phone to her ear and cheerfully speaks into the receiver, “iComo estás Uds!”
This time the voice is a little bit higher in tone. “Mmmsee! mmffeeump…vemmff…vummmffh!”
The blonde girl gasps and jumps up and down while squealing to her friends, “Oh! Ooh, I know what language this is! Girls, I can reason with this person!” So she them puts her hand over her mouth and loudly muffles into the receiver, “Mmmssumffee…mmmee toommffs smmemmff hummsteffge. Bmmy umpf humv um miffs bay!”
The blonde hangs up the phone and giggles, “Well, we don’t have to worry about them anymore. Good thing I took lessons from the latest movies I watched.”
The brunette says, “Wonderful…but what did you say to them?”
The blonde responds, “I said, ‘Sorry, we don’t speak hostage. Bye and have a nice day!’”
I was super bored when I did this. I'm sorry if I offended any pure blondes out there. This is simply a satire and it is not meant to be offensive.
© 2007 - 2024 German-Blood
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whiskeysquaw's avatar
oh wow, im about to piss my pants! that great so sounds like something i would do. i dyed my roots blonde cause i act like this sometimes and wanted to truely be able to tell people that i have blonde roots.